Writers from all over the world join MadisonWoods #FridayFictioneers to submit short stories based on a photo prompt. This week's photo is provided by Raina Ng. Below is my 100-word story inspired by Raina's lovely photo. (10/05/12).
~~~~ PRETTY BALLOONS ~~~~
"Mam. The storm has blown over. I'll return the flashlight to the basement and get the ladder to remove those balloons."
"Jake. Return the flashlight. Leave the pretty balloons there."
"That was some sweet sixteen party you gave your grand daughter. A nice celebration. The fuses blowing didn't seem to dampen their spirits one bit."
"No. In fact, it added to the excitement."
"Quite an excitable day. You must be exhausted."
"Yes. Happy to entertain. Happy they're gone."
"Remind you of your own sweet sixteen, mam?
"Never had one. Parties were luxuries. We could not afford luxuries. Not even pretty balloons."
Another sweet story from one of my favorite Friday Fictioneers. You've scored again, my dear friend. Thanks for your comments on mine.
ReplyDeleteShalom,
Rockstar
DeleteAnd another sweet and thoughtful comment from my FF pal, Ms. Rockstar. Thanks for visiting. Shalom and hugs.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteAw, poor grandma. No wonder she wants to leave the baloons. Generous of her to want her granddaugter to have some much more than she had. Nice cross-generational story. Ron
DeleteHi Ron, Isn't that always the case. Grandmothers always wish and pray that their grandchildren will experience easier and happier lives. Thanks for visiting and commenting.
I like that, we want for our children what we never had.
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DeleteSo true. Thanks for stopping by.
I really like the way you create the voices of the servant and the stuffy mistress, betraying a bit of herself with "pretty balloons." She reminds me of my grandmother, a woman who glided along with a battlefront bosom in her polyester pantsuits and pointy-toed flats. :-)
ReplyDeleteMine is here: http://wrasselings.blogspot.com/2012/10/friday-fictioneers-experience.html
DeleteHi Cindy: Love the description of your grandmother. Find a place to use it. Thanks for visiting.
Good story, Lora. Reminds me of times when I knew when an old story of 'way back when I was a kid' stories were going to be told by my parents or grandparents whether I wanted to hear one or not, and we had to sit patiently through them all. Ha ha.
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DeleteHi Joyce: Funny, we were always sent out of the room when our parents or grandparents told stories, especially if they were juicy.
Ah, a sweet sixteen party. Fun times. I liked the "happy to entertain" "happy they're gone." LOL. That's how I always feel. :)
ReplyDeleteMine is here: http://banterwithbeth.blogspot.com
DeleteHi Beth, Nice to see you're back. Hope you stay this time. I miss your stories. Thanks for stopping by.
This reminds me of the Little House books where if, they got an orange and some candy in their Christmas stockings, it was a wonderful treat. We're so blessed now but that blessing is often mistaken for entitlement and not appreciated. I'm glad they had a wonderful party.
ReplyDeleteYes, I know grandmother ended up pleased as well, knowing she made her grandbaby happy. Thanks for visiting.
DeleteVery touching.
ReplyDeleteIt generally is the case that the older generation has seen more hardships than the current one. And perhaps that is what drives them to let the younger ones see a better, more comfortable world.
I like Grandma's affectionate statement- "Happy to entertain. Happy they're gone.".
DeleteHi Parul: I agree. I fear today's older generation is just as worried about the future of their offspring. Thanks for visiting.
This reminded me of a little plaque we have on our boat: "All of our guests bring happiness, some by coming, others by going." And I think Parul makes a good point - sometimes I think we've gone too far by trying to make up for what we didn't have. Nice bit of dialogue here that says more than is apparent at first reading.
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DeleteHi Sandra, Thank you for your thoughtful comments. Glad you caught on that there is more to the subtext. That was my intention.
The grandmother may have been happy that the guests had gone home but it's a nice touch that she wanted the balloons to stay as a reminder of the excitement of her granddaughter's 16th birhday (whether vicarious on her part or not).
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DeleteI think grandmother wanted the balloons to stay up to take pleasure from the sight of them and to reminisce of the days when they were too poor to afford them.
Never would have thought of a party from this story, but it works. Kinda sad, though. Although I never had parties either. Hope he gets over it.
ReplyDeleteHi Shirley: One never gets over a childhood of poverty for there is never closure. It's there like a permanent tattoo. It frames one's lifetime...until death. Read the haunting "Angela's Ashes"...the author wrote it in late adulthood...pretty much at the end of his life.
DeleteI believe you meant to write "she" instead of "he"... Thanks for commenting.
This is so unique and original. Very relatable too. Very well done as always, and many thanks for stopping by mine
ReplyDeleteBoomie Bol
DeleteHi Boomie ~ I enjoyed yours as well. Thanks for visiting.
Dear Lora,
ReplyDeleteIt looks like a great place for a party. I'm surprised it isn't messier after being swarmed by teenagers. Excellent dialogue. Leave the balloons up a while longer, will you? I want to hang onto that feeling.
ReplyDeleteMy dear witty Russell: The balloons will remain as long as you wish....(or as long as the helium lasts). Thank you for stopping by. I always enjoy your comments.
Dear Lora,
ReplyDeleteI thought your story was sweet and sad and well written. I saw three simple changes that I'd like to talk to you about that would increase the impact of your story. I mention them becasue I sense you would not mind discussing them. Is this the right forum? Let me know.
Aloha,
Doug
ReplyDeleteDear Doug ~ Aloha. I think you know how much I value your friendship, brilliant mind and talent. I appreciate the fact that you don't mind taking the time from your busy life (and golf) and welcome your offer to help make my writing better. You may use this forum or email me at: lora13mit@yahoo.com
ps: Speaking of golf, long ago, I was engaged to a pro-golfer and followed the tour up and down the Eastern coast. Thank you, Lora
Hi Lora,
ReplyDeleteYou told this story well using only dialogue. I love that grandma was happy to make the next generation have more fun! Thanks for visiting mine.
Hi Lora,
ReplyDeleteThis is just great and so timely, ripped right from the headlines. I hope she makes a full recovery and that her Taliban murderer is found and killed. Ron
ReplyDeleteHi Ron: I believe you posted on the incorrect prompt. I agree...let's find that evil doer and get justice for Malala.