Friday, October 26, 2012

RAIN BUCKET


This week, MadisonWood's Friday Fictioneer banner has been passed to our dedicated FF writer and friend, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Above is Rochelle's first photo prompt. Below is my 100-word short story inspired by Rochelle's charming photo. (10/26/12)


                                              **** RAIN BUCKET ****

"Gino. We're busy. How much longer are we holding that corner table?"

"Don't worry, Flossie. She'll be here."

"But it's six months since he stopped coming."

"She will come. She will wait."

"How long did you say they met at this table."

"Two years straight. Every Friday. 8pm - sharp. They filled that rain bucket with sweet talk, laughter and stolen kisses."

"Maybe he died or something."

"Naw. Last time they met, I saw their heads huddled in serious talk. She cried as he tried to console her. I seen it all before.

"Looks like he filled that rain bucket with broken promises and heartbreak. Damn cheating men."


35 comments:

  1. Guess it's time to dump the bucket and move on. And maybe time to move on from the booth. An adept portrayal of someone hanging on to what was.

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    1. Hi Janet, I agree. I wish she would dump that rain bucket or get Gino to send it to Ron (see below).. but maybe he left an opening for her and she returns every Friday...hoping.

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  2. I'll bet diner tables would have a lot of stories to tell if they could talk. Waitresses see a lot too. Sometimes my daughter waits down at the local cafe, and my DIL is the cook. They do hear the gossip first in town, lol.

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    1. Madison...Wonderful to see you joining us. And I agree. If those tables and lunch counters could talk...what stories we could write. If you ever get writer's block, sit down with your dtr and DIL and get them talking. Lots of material there. Tks for stopping by.

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  3. Very well done...and oh so real for some

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    1. Hi Boomie..thanks for stopping by and commenting.

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  4. That was a very interesting conversation, particularly the last two lines. I think it says more about the two people talking than the two former lovers! Well done, always a pleasure to read your work.

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    1. Hi Danny, And it's always a pleasure reading yours, Danny. Thanks for taking the time to stop by.

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    2. .
      Danny...you are so right. Gino, the owner, has been in business long enough to see just about "everything." If Flossie waits on tables long enough, so will she.

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  5. A bitter-sweet treatment of the prompt that worked very well. Nicely done.

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  6. My comment disappeared... or maybe it didn't, so sorry if it appears twice. A bitter-sweet treatment of the prompt. Nicely done

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    1. Hi Sandra ~ Rec'd both postings. Thanks for stopping by.

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  7. As always, well done, my dear friend. You really set the stage with the dialogue. I loved the way you used the rain bucket. Hope the woman in question can find the courage to let go and move one.

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    1. Rochelle ... read below...I'm asking Gino to send the rain bucket to Ron...so she can get closure and move on.

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  8. Dear Lora,

    Better late...than...

    I enjoyed this story. It is sweet and homespun, though bittersweet. Some stories are freighted with sadness. The way of the world, 'eh?

    I think you need to add the word 'ago' in the "How long did you say they met at this table?" sentence. (That's a supposition on my part. Perhaps you wrote it like you meant it to be said.)

    More soon.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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    1. Well hello stranger ~ Doug...adding "ago" will not work as she indicates ..."it's 6 months since he stopped coming." (when he left her). I added: "Two years straight...Every Friday..." (They met secretly for 2 years straight, every Friday until 6 mos. ago. I hope that makes it clearer.

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  9. Lora,
    The dialogue was great. Nicely told story about someone holding on to what is no longer there....
    Tom

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    1. Hi Tom, Pleased you enjoyed my little story. Tks for stopping by.

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  10. Hi Lora,
    Ouch, as a man, I feel indicted and I don't even own a rain bucket. Maybe it's payback for the mean thing I did to a woman in my story. Broken hearts is a great premise, and you played it well. Ron

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  11. Hi Ron, Your first sentence had me laughing. Maybe Gino will dump out that rain bucket of broken promises and heartbreak and send it over to you...so she can get closure and move on. Thanks for stopping by.

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  12. One of the fun things of writing ( at least to me ) is to coin an original phrase that is worthy of being used by others. I think you have done that with your rain bucket.

    I too hope she moves on, wasting away over unrequited love is a great tragedy.

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    1. Hi Bill - I decided to use the phrase "rain bucket" instead of "rain barrel"... I hope she moves on also, but who knows...maybe he left her with a crumb of hope that he would return. We shall leave that for another episode however.

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  13. This defintely leaves the reader wanting more. Did he ever show up? And if not? Why not? I'd keep reading.

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    1. Hi Shirley - I could expand it and who knows ... it may appear in another piece one day...in the meantime, use your imagination.

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  14. And yet she keeps coming back - nice of the workers to look out for her though. This was a good one!

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    1. Owners and wait staff do that for regular customers. Thanks for commenting.

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  15. I really enjoyed your story Lora, it made me think that so many places where couples gather would really have a tale or two to tell if we could only hear them. Well done. Linda

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    1. Hi Linda - I knew the owners of several popular NYC restaurant/bars and got to observe quite a bit. Thanks for stopping by.

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  16. Great dialogue, and how much you read between the lines. ;-)

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    1. Hi Brudberg - Yes, one could read quite a bit between the lines. Thanks for visiting.

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  17. This is a very realistic slice of human beings speculating what may have happened in this relationship. The truth would probably not be near as interesting as the story Flossie will generate.

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    1. Hello dear Russell - I agree about Flossie and her fellow waitresses wagging their tongues. Maybe Flossie will even write a sh. story about it one day. lol.

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  18. *am sharp. Not so sharp now. Good story.

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  19. Hi Beta: It was 8 pm - sharp. He met her after work before taking the Metro North Train to Greenwich, Ct. to spend the weekend with the wife and kids. NYC single girls dating married men know the pattern. Most of them wake up, dump them and move on. For some reason, she's unable to move on.

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