Tuesday, June 12, 2012

FIVE SENTENCE FICTION STORY...LOST

FIVE SENTENCE FICTION: LOST  (6/11//12)

ONE-WORD PROMPT

Each week, Lillie McFerrin of #Five Sentence Fiction, posts a one-word prompt. This week's one-word is: LOST

Below is my Five Sentence Fiction - story inspired by Lillie McFerrin's prompt.

                                           **** LOST ****

On the rainy ride home, reclining in the back seat, her head swims with the successful events of the cheerleading contest. Wrapped in the glow of happiness, her first prize gold medal, secure in its black, velvet-cushioned box, rests softly against her chest.

Swooned by the hum of the car engine, the last thing she remembers is drifting off to sleep, anticipating tomorrow's shopping trip with mom, for her first prom dress.

At her bed, she sees an elderly nurse, in starched white, holding a syringe and mom's anxious, colorless face, pressing her hand. She soon learns that, during the five-car collision, not only was her gold medal lost, but most of her top teeth.

19 comments:

  1. Ouch! Powerful story in five words! Swooned by the hum...I really like that.

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    1. Hi Rochelle: I know you meant ...five sentences. Tks for commenting.

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  2. That would be my own recurring nightmare you've produced there Lora... I assumed it was a gold medal for athletic prowess, but if it was a beauty contest that would be even worse. Well captured.

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    1. Hi Sandra: Yes, it was cheerleading athletics. I agree re. the beauty contest. Thks for visiting.

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  3. A painful loss in so many ways... We're lulled into a false sense of security then hit with a powerful final sentence! I liked this one.

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  4. A beautiful and sharp evocation of the fragility of our lives: I felt for her... success, hopes, and then the fall... :-)

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    1. Hi...Thanks for visiting.

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  5. Powerful juxtaposition from the beauty of prom to the reality of injury

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    1. Hi sjp: Thanks for your comment.

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  6. Oh, to have that sense of accomplishment one moment and lose it all the next. Great job of conveying that startling sense of loss.

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    1. Hi....Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

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  7. I enjoyed this one; from the start with all the excitment and pride to the realisation of the devasting loss. Well done. xxx

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    1. Hi LIzzie: Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

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  8. Really well written!! You do a nice job of putting the right details in each sentence to make them the most powerful. Nicely done :) Thank you for linking up with FSF! Look forward to reading more of your writing.

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  9. Hi Lillie: Thank you for stopping by and commenting. Sorry, I missed last week's FSF titled: Medicine. Looking forward to future FSF word prompts.

    Btw, my sister's name is Lillian...nickname: Lillie.

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    1. Love that name!! The Medicne Linkup will be open until midnight on Wednesday in case you want to write something. Next week's will be up on Thursday morning if not :) Hope you're havign a lovely week!!!

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  10. Wonderful writing, Lora...with such a twist at the end! Powerful punch indeed... P.S thank you for your very kind comments :)

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  11. Hi Louise: Thank you for stopping by and commenting. You deserved those kind comments. Loved your story.

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