What it's all about: Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist. Each week, Lillie McFerrin will post a one word inspiration, then anyone wishing to participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just use it for direction. The word chosen this week is:
ORANGE
Sharing a two-family house, Jennie, the youngest of three kids, lived with her family on one side, while her aunt Aggie and uncle Willie, with their ten, stepladder kids, lived on the other side.
Uncle Willie had a good job and brought home a steady paycheck, while Jennie's daddy worked sporadically and left his meager paycheck on the bar at Paddy's Saloon.
Every payday, Jennie's sniffle-nosed cousins spilled out of their front screen door to sit on their side of the porch, cupping and digging deeply, with their tiny fists, peeling the thick flesh of the fresh, bright-orange fruit.
Every payday, Jennie and her siblings, sat on their side of the porch, staring at the discarded peels falling from those hundred little fingers, silently craving the succulent juice dripping down those ten messy chins as they slurped like hogs and devoured each morsel with glee.
During the five years that Jennie and her siblings lived next door to those ten cousins, not once did a single kid offer to share a measly bite or a slice of one tender, juicy orange.
You really packed a lot into five sentences, Lora! Very visual! It made me want to hose down those ten selfish little urchins. Well done!
ReplyDeleteHi Rochelle: Thank you. Pleased that you enjoyed my "Orange" story. This was my first effort with Lillie McFerrin's Five Sentence Fiction. HOpe I can manage time for both Madison and Lillie. Keeping an eye out for your wonderful stories.
DeleteI really liked that. You created a really vivid scene with absolutely believable characters. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThank you Adam. On my way to the list ...to find yours.
DeleteOkay...I tried this earlier but it bears repeating. I love this little story. Loved the adjective "sniffle-nosed". I could see, smell and taste. Great Job, Lora!
ReplyDeleteHi: Thank you for trying again. As you see, I rec'd both comments.
DeleteI loved this, Lora. Excellent use of the prompt and a wonderful little story all on its own. Very good characterization. You painted a very clear picture of these two families and made me feel the emotions of the kids who could only long for the succulent fruit. Good job!
ReplyDeletehi Jayne: Thanks for visiting and commenting. Pleased that you enjoyed my little "Orange" story. Also, thanks for commenting on my Moth story.
ReplyDeleteWhat a fun exercise. I'll have to try it sometime.
ReplyDeleteGreat job, Lora. I loved the hundred little fingers prying on the oranges. What a selfish bunch of cousins! Brats. Great way to show the difference between two families and their income levels.
Is any of this true?
I love the two little worlds you've painted - the "sniffle-nosed" brats on one side, and Jennie's group on the other side.
ReplyDeleteNice one!
I'm visiting from Five Sentence Fiction.
Hi Michelle: Thank you for the nice comments. I need to get to FSF soon.
DeleteI wish everyone would share their bounty! Nice imagery...
ReplyDeleteHi Britton: I wish that also. Thks for visiting.
DeleteI not only could visualize the scene, I could feel the orange peels between my fingers and the juice running down my hands...and the smell, oh my! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Donna: Thank you for visiting and commenting.
ReplyDeleteExcellent! You created such a vivid scene here that I felt I could be there, smarting under the injustice of it all. A really well-executed take on the prompt.
ReplyDeleteHi Sandra: Thanks for visiting and commenting. Perhaps some of my readers will not look at a juicy orange in the same way again.
DeleteYes, really liked your story Lora. A very sticky situation in many ways :)))
ReplyDeleteHi Jo Anne (from Vancouver) Thank you for taking the time to visit and comment.
ReplyDeleteWhile reading your piece I felt the dry-throated craving that Jennie and her siblings felt. I also felt the beginnings of young adolescent anger at so many things... her crowded home, her looser dad, and the selfishness of her relatives. What a wonderful piece. Would make a great start to a novel!
ReplyDeleteHi Dr. Lisa: Thank you for your insightful comments. Do you really think it would be a great start for a novel? Hmmmm...And Robert below compares Jennie with Scout in Harper Lee's "Mockingbird." Gosh, maybe there is something here to ponder.
DeleteHi Lora,
ReplyDeleteVery nicely written ... poor Jennie, had a louse for a father and selfish cousins to boot! Sad, sad story. I picture Jenni being like Scout in Harper Lee's story ... she should have beat one or two of them up -- maybe she did?
regards,
Robert
Hi Robert: Thanks for your comments. I'm afraid, if she had tried to beat one or two ...she would have been badly outnumbered...for there were eight and nine other siblings to defend them.
ReplyDeleteYour writing is so easy to read, a true sign of a gifted story teller :) Really lovely job with a sad tale!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Lillie: Thank you for stopping by. Your sincere comments gave me wings. Also, thank you for the opportunity to join FSF. Looking forward to your next word prompt.
DeleteVery well-told story, Lora. The imagery of Jennie and her siblings watching their cousins devour the fruit (of their father's labors, so to speak) is particularly strong.
ReplyDeleteHi Cara: Thank you for your touching comments.
DeleteNice sensory descriptions in this, Lora.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Victoria.
DeleteI really liked the way you slowly developed both sides, telling it all through Jennie's filter. Great job, and welcome to FSF!
ReplyDeleteBrian
Hi Brian: Thank you for stopping by. Enjoyed your comment.."telling it through Jennie's filter (instead of POV). Also, thanks for welcoming me to FSF...looking forward to Lillie's next word prompt.
DeleteRead this to any 5 year old kid, you are probably and positively changing their life and how they turn out after growing. I loved it!
ReplyDeleteThough this story doesn't explain us how to *share* or the importance of *sharing*, it does a compensating job by starkly showing how people forget to *share*, just like that! (considering we all know, as we are grown, how important *sharing* is in today's world)
At first look, it looks like a cute kid story. But the theme it is centered on, deep! *takes a bow* :)
Keep writing!:)
Hi S Jayanth: Thank you for stopping by. Your comments touched my heart.
ReplyDelete