Friday, August 17, 2012

CHILDHOOD TREE


FridayFictioneers unusual photo prompt this week is courtesy of Lura Helms. Titled: Tree Crook. Below is my 100-word story inspired by Lura's photo. (8/17/12)

                            *** CHILDHOOD TREE ***

"Race you to our old tree. One, two, three...go!"

"Zach. We're not kids any longer."

"Come on, Piper."

"It's not fair."

"What's not fair?"

"You're in better shape from all that Army training."

"Forget about that. I've served my time. I'm back for good and in one piece. I'll give you a head start."

"Can't we sit on the porch swing instead and talk?"

"Fighting in that hellhole, I dreamed of nothing but this old tree and you. I see those goat horns are still stuck up there. Our initials should be about...Piper loves...Rick?"

"Zach, please..."


"...Guess I was away too long."


43 comments:

  1. Well she had been wanting to talk to him beforehand... Nicely done, a novel way to bring a relationship to a close.

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    1. Hi Sandra: Can't you just see her holding her breath when he drags her to their childhood tree? Tks for visiting.

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  2. Dear Lora,

    "It's not fair" carries more weight in this story than is at first apparent. I really enjoyed this for its simplicity and truth. "Can we just sit on the porch swing instead and talk?" Very good story, Lora.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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    1. Dear Doug: You're the first to catch that simple statement which has two meanings. That was my intention. Too bad he didn't sit on that porch swing to talk...it may have softened the blow. Thanks once again for stopping by. Aloha, Lora

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  3. That's three of us who carved young lovers initials/names into the tree. Interesting similarities between ours, Lora. Great little story in few words. Thanks for your lovely comment on mine.

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    1. Hello Rockstar: Will go back and reread yours to see the similarities. I remember most ... your wonderful choice of descriptions...which never fails to boggle my little brain.

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    1. Hi Randy...Oops...says it all. Only my way to yours.

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  5. How sad! I like what you did with the prompt and you portrayed something that is probably all too realistic.

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    1. Hi Janet: A different kind of "Dear John" letter. However, I'm sure she didn't plan on telling him that way. Tks for stopping by.

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  6. Sad....really sad! Poor Zach. I could feel his disappointment. Better though - I didn't anticipate that ending. Nicely done.

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    1. Hi Erin: I felt sorry for him while writing it. Tks for visiting.

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  7. good dialog, has the ring of sad, but true...

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    1. Hi Bill: I bet she would have preferred telling him as they sat on the swing porch. Tks for visiting.

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  8. Oh, I was so sad for him. Though I'm sure it would be hard to wait for someone too. Like the story.
    http://anneorchardwriter.wordpress.com/2012/08/17/tree-hugger-friday-fictioneers/

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    1. Hi Anne: Wonder which was more cruel...sending him a "Dear John" letter or letting him find out this way? Tks for stopping by.

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  9. Ow, a sweet story with a great twist. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/08/17/fridayfictioneers-the-withered-flower/

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    1. Hi...Glad you liked my story. Tks for visiting. On my way to yours.

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  10. Oh, poor Zach! This is a great story, leading up to a surprise ending. Very well done!

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  11. Hi..Tks for stopping by. Glad you like my story.

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  12. The last line broke my heart...he sure was away too long, but no fault of his by any means...very well written, emotional.

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    1. HI Boomie: Thanks for stopping by.

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  13. Ouch, rough way to find out (but nice way to write it!). Good work with the dialogue

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    1. Hi...Thanks for visiting and your thoughtful comment.

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  14. Wow she defiled the tree. Bad ju-ju on her part. Thanks for stopping by my blog yesterday. I enjoyed this until the end. What a bad Piper.

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    1. Hi Atiya. Yes, she was naughty. One wonders why she didn't write and tell him... to soften the blow when he returned.

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  15. Nice surprise at the end, well done.
    Here is mine this week yaralwrites.com

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    1. Hi Yaral: Tks for visiting.

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  16. That's a hell of a way to find out something like that. Poor Zach.

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    1. Hi Adam: Why did I think your name was Bill? Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

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  17. Not what I was expecting—I thought he was her brother until "Piper loves... Rick." An interesting twist. It made me wonder how old they are and how long he's been away for. I hope they can work things out. :)

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  18. Good one, Lora. Poor Zach sure got the wind sucked out of his sails. I knew that tree was bad when I first saw the picture. After all, look what it did to poor Billy Bob.

    Thanks for the nice comment on mine :)

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  19. Hi Russell: Welcome back from your short journey. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

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  20. I like this story. Young love, lost and hopefully rekindled someway, if she's not married? Separation and time away may not always allow a return to the old romance, but memories are always a nice place to go back and visit, occasionally. Poor Zach wanted more.

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    1. HI..Rec'd both postings and keeping them both. Thanks for your comments Joyce.

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  21. Lora, I just left my comment and when I tried posting it I lost it someway, and didn't come up after signing in to my WP account. I've noticed that when I've done this before with Rochelle's old blog site it did the same thing when I posted comments there to. Sorry, it didn't show up, but I liked this story. A young love lost, hopefully rekindled if she did not marry. Poor Zach wanted to return to what they had once. Sometimes, separation and time away changes all and all one has is the old memories. Will try this post now.

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    1. Hi Joyce: Got them both ... no idea what the problem is. It will be easier when I switch to WordPress. Tks for visiting.

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  22. Poor Zach, you put a lump in my throat!

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  23. I'm having trouble commenting as well! One more try to say I really enjoyed this,felt for poor Zach and you left a big lump in my throat!

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  24. Hi lucidgypsy: Thanks for trying again and commenting. To rectify these problems, I will be switching to WordPress soon

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  25. Yes, poor Zack! I've been there! Love and despair in such a short amount of time. And in dialogue alone. Great writing!

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  26. HI ... It seems to be universal. Tks for visiting. Will try to find you to comment on yours.

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